My UPSC Journey: From Despair to Hope

My UPSC Journey: From Despair to Hope

Hello dosto mera naam vikas hai. hum ek UPSC aspirant or apse Apni life  ki  vo journey share krne ja rhen hain jisse hum gujar rhen hain or kafi had tak bahar bhi aa gae hain. Soch rha tha share kren ya na kre par humare room partner ne hume thoda clear kiya ki jyada socho mat or share kr do.

Hum bihar, motihari district ke rhene wale hai. humari ek joint family hai, pitaji jamindar hai or
madhuban me unki bahut achhi jaan pehchan hai. unka shayd ek he sapna hai ki apne bete ko yahi hume
SDM bnana. Hum school time me padhne me bahut ache the. 10th me hume 80% aye or 12th me 76%. humare pass science stream thi. waise ghr me sabhi ka jhukav rajniti ki tarf hai, huamare chacha ho, humare mama ho ya humare bhai bahan sabko rajniti ki achhi samjh hai, wo aisa isliye bhi ho skta hai ki pitaji kisi samay par rajniti me jana chahte the or chunav ladna chahte the lekin kai dusri paristhityo ke chalte shayd mumkin na ho saka par humare papa se hum sabko rajniti ki samjh milne lgi.

Humare papa ne bahut koshish ki humare chacha ek sarkari afsar ban jae par wo padhne likhne se parhej
krte the, fir chhote chacha unhone graduation ki par sarkai naukri me unka koi rujhan nhi tha fir number aya humara. Ab humare papa ki akanshaye humse bahut Jayda thi ab unhe apne bete ko sirf sarkri
naukri nhi sabse unchi sarkri nokri yani collector bante dekhana hai. or hum thoda padhne me bhi theek
the to unki apekshayen humse or badh gai. jiska natija yeh hua ki hum 12 th pass krne ke baad delhi aa
gae.

Delhi university me admission liya or science ke aage ek or shabd jud gaya political. Humne
graduation me admission liya political science me. Hume isse koi preshani nhi thi par hum physics,
chemistry chhod ab bharat samvidhan padhne lge.

Humare liye sab kuch naya tha. yeh city, college, subject, ghar (room) dost. Mukhejee nagar se north
campus ke bich 3 saal kaise beet gae pta he nhi chala. Ab hum UPSC ka exam dene ke liye eligible ho
gae. Ab tk hume wo sari jankari, wo sari books juta li thi jo hume SDM bana skti hai.

graduation khtam hone ke baad college ke sab dost busy ho gae. koi job krne lga to koi masters krne lga. hum bhi ghr par bol diye ki abhi sirf UPSC pr he focus krenge or koi dusra form nhi bharenge. Jis saal graduate hue us saal exam nhi diya. next year ke liye Hume joro shoro par taiyari shuru kr di. Pehli baar me preliminary nhi clear ho paya hume lga ki hume or taiyari krni chahiye or fir se try krna chahiye. Agle saal hume exam na dene ka socha kyuki UPSC me limited he attempt milte hai or hume abhi lga ki hum shyd taiyr nhi hai to hume ye saal exam nhi dena chahiye. Or aise me ek saal or beet gya. or fir uske next year bhi preliminary clear nhi hua.

Humane apni puri jidagi me kabhi itni nirasha nhi dekhi thi jitni us samay dekh rhe the. hume dar lagne lga or socha ki agar ye nhi hua to kya krnge. ab hume post graduation bhi sath me krne ka nirnay liya. Thodi nirasha thi par hum fir se apni taiyri me lag gae.

Tisri baar me jakar humara UPSC preliminary exam clear ho gya par mains nhi clear kr paye. Ab
hum bilkul tut chuke the or himmat haar kar ghar chale gae. graduation ko bhi lgbahg 6 saal ho chuke
the. humare sath ke sabhi log jobs kar rhe the lekin hum hopeless ho chuke the aur depression me ja rhe the. apne baare me negative thoughts aate the, kuch kaam karne ka man nhi kartha tha, Irritability hoti thi, aesa lagta tha ki hum worthlessness hai. bar bar yahi guilt hota tha ki 3 saal me bhi kuch nahi kar paye. kaash UPSC mains clear ho jaata.  thik se nind nahi aati thi. or hum ye baat ab ache se jante the ki hum depression ka shikar ho rhe hai.

Ghar par bhi man nhi lg rha tha to papa ne hume fir se delhi bhej diya. Hum bhi isliye aa gae ki unhe kuch pta na chale. Nirasha, family pressure, peer pressure, badhti age, last attempt ne ab bilkul dimag ko gher liya tha or in sab stress me aakar humae apna last attempt bhi kho diya. Wapis motihari jane ki ichchha lgbhag khtm ho gai thi yaha tk ki Diwali par bhi hum ghar nhi gae the.

Ab to mano kuch nhi bacha tha bas yhi shukr hai ki mare nhi. Huamra room partner bhi humare is
depression se anjan nhi tha. use dar lgne lga ki hum akele me khud ko nuksan na paucha le ab wo hume
akela nhi chhodta tha ab wo bhi aisa kitne time tk krta, usne humse psychologist ke pass chalne ko kaha. humne shuru me mana kar diya par wo nhi maana or humari online counseling session book kr diya
counselor se baat krne ke baad kuch himmat ayi or fir main unke clinic ja kar session lene lga. Thod time lga hume ye samjhne me ki DM nhi ban ska to kya hua SDM to abhi bhi ban skte hain.

Depression se bahar aane ke baad humara life ko dekhne ka najariya ekdum badal gya hai jaha paehle
har chhoti chhoti baat se hume fark padhta tha ab un baton ko ignore krne lge hai. papa ke sapne ke
bare me jyada nhi sochte or insab baton ka stress bhi kam he lete hai halaki humre counseling session ab bhi chal rhe hai or hum delhi me rhe kr hi PCS ki prepration me lag gae hai. lekin hum jaante he ki agar yaha bhi selection nahi hua to yeh aakhiri manjil nahi he. ab hum optimistic he. future ko lekar alternative plans kiye he aur hume vishwas he ki hum kuch na kuch jarur badha karenge lekin kabhi himmat nahi harenge.

Thank You

Personal Story By Vikas Kumar

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