How Vishal Move On From Depression & Love Failure During UPSC Preparation

How Vishal Move On From Depression & Love Failure During UPSC Preparation

Jindagi badi ajeeb hoti hai na? jo hum chahte hai wo aksar pura nahi hota. Lekin fir bhi hum haar nahi maante aur apni chahto ko kam nahi karte. Aage badte hai, naye logo se milte hai unse pyar krte hai par ek kasak dil mein rah hi jati hai. Aisa he vakyaa mere sath bhi hua. Hello dosto mera naam Vishal hai or main Bihar, Motihari district ka rahne wala hun. Baat kuch 10-12 saal pahle ki hai. Jab main UPSC Preparation tha. Main bachpan se he padhne likhne mein achchha tha to maa- papa ne mujhe Delhi padhne bhej diya. Halaki mujhe UPSC Preparation ke bare mein jyada kuch nahi pata tha lekin Delhi University mein graduation ke dauraan mera interest UPSC ko lekar badha aur graduation ke samay se he main taiyari me jut gaya.

Main 3rd year mein tha or college ki padhai ke sath sath UPSC Preparation ke liye book dekhna padhna, Mukherjee Nagar me ghumna mujhe achchha lagne laga or natija ye hua ki main graduation ke exam ke baad Mukharjee nagar shift ho gaya aur apni Preparation me jut gaya. Udhar meri family bhi kafi khush thi ki main ab Delhi se collector ban ke he lautunga. Lekin shayad kismet ko kuch aur he manjur tha. Graduation ke baad maine pahle saal exam nahi diya kyuki mujhe laga ki main abhi Preparation thik nahi hui. Uske agle saal exam diya to main celar nahi kar paya. Lekin mere exam dete he mere ghar mein jaise ek mahol ban gaya ki mera exam to nikal he jayega. Gali, Maholle aur Gaon wale mere Papa ke pass aakar yahi baat krte ki apka beta to honhar hai uska to exam clear ho he jayega. Jab mujhe ye baat pata chali to mere par ek alag tarah ka pressure kaam karne laga mujhe samajh nahi aa rha tha ki mere sath ye kya ho rha hai.

Maine bahut dabav me aakar fir se apni Preparation shuru kar di. Ab Delhi mein mujhe lagbhag 6 saal ho gaye the Aur mere haath me ek chhoti si job bhi nahi thi. Main ab bhi puri tarha se family par depend tha. Ghar se paise ayenge to rent dunga aur to he aage ki kitabe aur khana kharid paunga. Ab ye sab baaten mujhe andar se todane lagi. bich me laga ki ye sab chhod kar kuch aur karta hun. Lekin UPSC ka wo sapna dimag se jaa he nahi raha tha. Tabhi life ne ek aur mod liya. Mere ghar se phone aaya papa ne bataya ki humare Gaon ke sarpanch ki beti Allahabad University se apni graduation khatam kar ke Delhi aa rahi hai aur wo yhaan par kisi ko nahi janti.

Sarpanch ji aur unki dharm patni bhi unke sath hai wo log kal Delhi pahuch jayenge. Tum station lene chale jana. ab is baat ne mujhe aur parehsan kar diya ek to exam nahi nikal raha aur ab in logo ko ghumana bhi meri jimmedari hai kya?? Maine papa se saaf manaa kar diya ki papa meri pdhai par asar padta hai wo 2-3 din yahaan rukenge to mera sara schedule bigad jaega. Asal me Gaon se bahut sare log Delhi ghumane aur yahaan ke Hospitals mein ilaaz karvane aate hai to aisa vakya pahle bhi mere sath ho chukka hai aur meri padhai par uska kafi asar padta tha.

Lekin papa ne bataya ki is baar mamala kuch alag hai darsal Shalu bhi UPSC Preparation karna chahti hai isliye wo Shalu ko Delhi me chhodane aa rahe hai. Sath he wo Delhi ka mahol bhi dekhna chahte hai ki wahaan rahna unki beti ke liye surakshti hai bhi ya nahi. Iske baad fir main papa ko jyada manaa nahi kar paya aur khaha ki theek hai main dekhta hu kya kar skata hu. Agale din Railway Station se main unhe apne room par le aaya. Room par khana khaya unse Goan ke haal chal baate aur kafi kuch yahaan ke bare me bataya. Ab agle din Shalu ke liye Room khojna tha. main raat ko apna room unke hawale kar apne dost ke room par sone chala gayaa. Wahaan aksar aisa hota tha jab bhi koi ghar parivaar se aata tha to hum apne dost ke ghar kuch din ke liye shift kar jate the. Khair, agle din Shalu ko room mil gaya aur 3-4 din baad uske mummy-papa bhi Gaon laut gaye. Ab shalu aur meri kafi baat hone lagi main usase kuch saal senior tha to uske pass UPSC Prepration  ko lekar kai sare sawal the main tk ek kar ke un sawalo ke jawab usko dene laga. Aur un dino hum ek dusre ke kafi close aa gaye.

Ab main us se apna dar share karne laga. Maine use bataya ki mujhe yahaan par kitna dar lagta hai aur kya kya khayal mere man me aa rhe hai. Shalu ne college me Psychology as a subject pada tha. Aur wo turant samajh gayi ki mujhe ek therapist ki jarurt hai. Lekin main Shalu me he ek Doctor, Therapist, aur Counselor talashne laga. Mujhe Shalu se pyar hone laga, lekin uski taraf se abhi tak aisa kuch nahi tha. Shalu ke sath 3 saal kaise beet gaye pata he nahi chala ab use bhi mujhse pyar hone laga. Usane meri career ki chinta to dur kar di. Mera dar khatam kar ke mujhe sath me B.ed karne ke liye motivate kiya. Lekin mere man me ab ek naya dar paida hone laga wo dar tha Shalu aur mera. Hum dono ek dusre se pyar kane lage the lekin Shalu janti thi ki uski family bilkul bhi is baat ke liye raaji nahi hogi.

Is baat ke sirf mujhe haatash aur nirash he nahi ki balki mujhe Depression me daal diya. Aur isi sthiti me maine apni UPSC ka last attempt diya. Jisne mujhe andar se aur tod diya ab kuch karne ki ichchha he nahi bachi thi. Shalu se bhi baat puri tarh se band ho gayi. Main ghar wapis nahi jana chahta tha. Tabhi mere ek dost ne Delhi ke ek private school me meri naukri ka prabandh kiya. Ab main school ke bachcho ko Hindi padhane laga. Aur ek dusre dost ki madad se ek NGO ke sampark me aa gaya jo meri is sthiti se bahar aane me madad kar rahe the. Is baat ko aaj lagbhag 8 saal beet chuke hai. Ab main Delhi Govt. school me Hindi padhata hun. Aur Shalu se bhi baat hoti hai wo Punjab me sarkari naukari kar rahi hai. Darsal Manochikitsa par apni kahani dusre logo ko batane ka idea bhi shalu ne he mujhe diya. Aur mujhe jor dekar kahaa ki main apne us samay ka anubhav logo ko jauru batau jab main ek gahare mansik sadame se gujara.

Aur kaise shalu aur mere aspas ke dosto ne meri madad ki. Sath he main Manochikitsa ke madhaym se apne dosto ko shukirya bhi kahana chahta hu. Shalu, Chandan, Hunny, Priya, Shyam. Tumhara bahut bahut shukiya jo tum mere mushkil samay me mere sath the aur tumse mila sath agar main kisi ke sath baat saku aur kisi aise vayaki to us sthiti se bahar la saku jo maine khud anubhav ki hai, to main khud ko bahut khushnasib samjhunga. Tumhara bahut bahut shukriya

 

Personal Story: By Vishal

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