We do not pay attention to the consequences of race, competition, and the desire to get everything. We just focus on the result and consider the ideal result as inspiration. We all know that there will be only a few winners in a race and everyone else is sure to lose but still participate in that race and demotivate after losing. I am not saying that you should not participate in the race, but it is very important to assess your abilities before participating. It is important to know properly what the shortcomings are and what are the strengths you have so that we can use our talent in the right place. Trying to run blindfold without knowing your strengths only leads to defeat and disappointment. I have experienced all this. The race I participated in is called UPSC.
From childhood, I was told about the social dominance; status, power, and respect of an IAS officer in society. So in this way, I also wanted to become an IAS officer. Now IAS became the goal of life. Most of the things revolved around this issue. But I knew that it was not easy but I had faith in myself. I started preparing for the 11th. And came to Delhi after graduation. Delhi's Old Rajinder Nagar and Mukherjee Nagar are called the UPSC Coaching Centers hub. Because I wanted to coaching in English medium, so I came to Old Rajinder Nagar and enrolled in coaching. Now life revolved around this competitive exam.
Not just me, but millions of students like me, whose goal was to clear this exam. And everyone thought they would do it. It would have been stress to study, but we would have ignored it. Disappointment and excitement were common in our life. Now I have to give my exams. Gave prelims for the first time but I could not qualify. I was very sad but my friends encouraged me and said that I can. I started preparing again but this time also I could not pass. I was feeling very disappointed, it was not easy for me to bear it. But I continued preparing. Now confidence was not as much as before but I can hope. And the same happened this time.
In 2017 I qualified UPSC Prelims. I was very happy. Now it was the turn of the mains exam. And I had confidence that this time UPSC should be clear. I started studying more. But I could not qualify the mains. I was very disappointed inside. Did not sleep properly at night. Could not eat food properly. But slowly returned to the routine.
I was from the reserved category. So I had more attempts. I thought I should give myself another chance. Now I did not feel like reading. But the preparations continued. This time the Prelims did not qualify as well. I went into depression. Did not feel like talking to anyone. There was only disappointment everywhere. I used to get angry with myself. I could not understand what to do.
Dreams were broken. I wanted to cry always. I left Delhi and went back to my home. This period of despair lasted for several weeks. My parents also explained to me and supported me. But my friend Manish took me out of this phase. He inspired me a lot and gave me some inspiration books. I started thinking about the last 6-7 years. I thought about myself. I looked around me. I understood myself which I had never done in my life.
Now I was feeling better. I could see that despair and depression are the results of my thinking. Millions of people give UPSC exam every year, but only a few can pass. While everyone feels that they can do it. Actually, we are just running blindfold without knowing ourselves. Therefore this competition is increasing. Millions of people like me go through a period of despair every year.
Why? Because we only see to fulfill an ambition. We do not understand ourselves. We do not understand what is right for us. In which area can we do better? We see life as a goal, we consider it happiness and when we do not get it, we give up and go into depression.
We should not choose a career by looking at how attractive it is, rather we should choose a career by looking at what is better for us. Today I am a teacher in a school and I am trying to teach students to identify themselves. Happiness in life does not come from getting anything. It is in your hands.
I have not stopped yet and have not given up. I have made some plans for my future. This time I have moved ahead by thinking and assessing my capabilities. And I hope that I will complete them but I will not be disappointed in case if I not being able to achieve it
Because I understand the problem is not the problem, our reaction is the real problem. Life keeps giving us new opportunities every time. No occasion is final. So always be happy,
Personal Story: By Anil Kumar